On This Day..

I have never spoke on this before because it hurt me very deeply but since I have been intentionally healing I feel I can share this experience.. On this day eleven years ago December 18th 2010 I drove from NY to Chicago solo dolo (to be with Red because I thought he was the love of my life even though he was only my companion) because he asked me to come back and I wanted to be next to him. I drove straight into a blizzard, then my legs went out on me, the scariest feeling ever, I threw on the hazards and tried to get to the side lane immediately. I couldnt move my legs, I was in such a panic anyway I hysterically called cuz and she came to rescue me luckily she lived in Indiana at the time, Thanks again cuz❤. I finally was able to see Red after making it to Chicago, but after my cuz came to meet me I couldnt leave her I had to go stay with her, he had a slight attitude about it but I was gonna come back the next day to spend time. We did spend time and when we kissed I saw the galaxy, never had that experience before, I felt things with him I had never felt before. He taught me that two can be intimate without sexual intercourse being involved, he was very sweet to me, I had no idea he was as ruthless as he was. I still remember him telling me that he thought he had more time, I didnt know what he meant at the time. Christmas was coming and my cycle came so now I was waiting for my cycle to end because we had plans, big freaky plans..lol 

The day my cyle ended I tried to contact him and he wouldnt answer or respond and I started questioning what is going on because I really only came back because of him. I was feeling a lot of things but Christmas came and left and still no call. Of course I was pissed off past pisstivity then 2 days after Christmas in the evening I get the news that he gave his best fight but they robbed and killed him in the same home I stayed at when I was there earlier in the year, where we met and where home invasion took place that I walked in on.. Smh I didnt believe it, I called almost everyone that I knew that was associated and they confirmed it was so.

There was no more Red and it felt like someone pulled the rug from under me and I went down hard and fast. This is the short version but this experience had shook my faith to the point I wasnt sure what I believed anymore. Im sharing this because I must release him to recieve someone new in my life that matches me in every aspect, also it doesnt serve any purpose in my life holding on to what I can no longer have. 

I have since rebuilt my faith and trust in God and know that HE is real, all knowing, all seeing. God 1st in all things!!

Thanks Dennis Billings Guy G aka Red I love you and 

Thank you for being my companion❤💋